My reflection stares deep into my eyes, scanning through my thoughts.
Each blink, an analysis of the depths of my soul.
Sinking further in to the core of what makes me go.
It's the only one who can see all the way in...
I stare back, deep into the eyes of the one I despise the most.
Full of pride yet wrecked with doubt.
Am I good enough?
Does anyone truly love me?
How could they not with the way I live my life out....?
Clouded with discontent of who I am, because I'm not like everyone else
How do I stack up?
Am I as good looking, could I be funnier?
Maybe I can be the warm teddy bear that earns all the love?
Attention is what is deeply crave, searching for some sort of worth.
To know that I matter, that I am irreplaceable.
The spotlight doesn't seem so bright, it's what I think I desire.
But this race for popularity can make me grow tired.
Just to be known means nothing if I am not truly loved...
A deeper, more intimate bond that runs deeper than the sound of my own name....
As I fight the urge to be liked
And fill it with a heart of love
My strength, zest, and passion for life is renewed.
Comparison, the thief of joy, must be drowned out with truth.
I am just as I am made to be
Free, hand crafted by the maker
Each mark, made with a purpose.
Each smile and laugh perfectly placed.
Each wrinkle, each hair, each bead of sweat, perfect.
I may not be the best in anything,
But I am who He has made me.
I don't need anything more...
But with this confidence grows a certain arrogance deep down in the soul
Through the mind races a standard by which everyone else must live.
Like me they must be if they are to fly free, with same thoughts, same beliefs, that's what I see as I stare into my face.
Disgrace.
I walk into a room thinking what am I going to teach today rather than how can i learn?
Each person, a canvas to paint my masterpiece, to make them more like me.
Why do I view people in this way?
Even the depths of love for those around me can be flawed
Is it truly a matter of care sent from the one above?
Or is it my own desire to be loved back?
A matter of gaining something because of those I call my friends?
As I think of my future and a possible wife,
Where does that desire come from?
Is it a search for worth, for security?
Is it a desire for intimacy?
Or does it come from somewhere else,
From a truly unselfish care not possible on my own...
I don't need a significant other to be happy
But sometimes it should does sound nice...
So caught up in our pursuit of "the one"
We overlook the blessings right under our nose
We lose sight of some of our dearest friends
Because they're not the ones we want the attention from...
We lose sight of where we're going
Tied down with infatuation.
As I think of a possible career
What is it that holds the wheel and steers
Is it a desire for wealth, for safety?
Is it to be different, to stray from the norm?
Is it because it sounds good and will make me appear deep...?
Or is it because it is where I am called?
Is it where I am supposed to be to best serve and spread His love?
As I seem to ascend into the roll of leader
Do I desire so much to be a teacher?
Do I simply seek glory?
Could I step into the background and get no recognition, and do so with the same smile and joy?
Motive...one of my deepest concerns
Followed by integrity. Do I stack up to what people actually think of me?
Better question, am I living how I am supposed to be, not according to society but rather God?
Not according to the religion or government and culture of the West,
But rather the Lord who transcends all,
And Jesus who set the prime example of how to live?
No matter what ridiculous thoughts stroll through my head....
I am not the barometer of how to live.
I am not perfect,
I am not righteous,
I am not without fault,
I do not see the world through the perfect lens.
AFter all the failures and my short comings,
When it is all said and done, I must ask myself
Am I living for myself?
Am I living for my own glory and prosperity?
Or am I living for the glory and prosperity of the King?
Am I advancing His love, His truth, to ALL people.
Am I living for and serving the Kingdom...?
Or am I living for me....?
No longer do I want to live the same,
Slow to move, quick to blame.
It all starts in one life,
In one moment,
In one choice.
It starts with doing things differently
Whether being intentional or being clean
It starts in living fully in everything
In a willingness to learn and marinated in humility
In a desire to change my perspective and the way I see...
It starts with the reflection in the mirror....
