Reflection in the Mirror

My reflection stares deep into my eyes, scanning through my thoughts.
Each blink, an analysis of the depths of my soul.
Sinking further in to the core of what makes me go.
It's the only one who can see all the way in...

I stare back, deep into the eyes of the one I despise the most.
Full of pride yet wrecked with doubt.
Am I good enough?
Does anyone truly love me?
How could they not with the way I live my life out....?

Clouded with discontent of who I am, because I'm not like everyone else
How do I stack up?
Am I as good looking, could I be funnier?
Maybe I can be the warm teddy bear that earns all the love?

Attention is what is deeply crave, searching for some sort of worth.
To know that I matter, that I am irreplaceable.
The spotlight doesn't seem so bright, it's what I think I desire.
But this race for popularity can make me grow tired.
Just to be known means nothing if I am not truly loved...
A deeper, more intimate bond that runs deeper than the sound of my own name....

As I fight the urge to be liked
And fill it with a heart of love
My strength, zest, and passion for life is renewed.
Comparison, the thief of joy, must be drowned out with truth.

I am just as I am made to be
Free, hand crafted by the maker
Each mark, made with a purpose.
Each smile and laugh perfectly placed.
Each wrinkle, each hair, each bead of sweat, perfect.
I may not be the best in anything,
But I am who He has made me.
I don't need anything more...

But with this confidence grows a certain arrogance deep down in the soul
Through the mind races a standard by which everyone else must live.
Like me they must be if they are to fly free, with same thoughts, same beliefs, that's what I see as I stare into my face.
Disgrace.
I walk into a room thinking what am I going to teach today rather than how can i learn?
Each person, a canvas to paint my masterpiece, to make them more like me.
Why do I view people in this way?

Even the depths of love for those around me can be flawed
Is it truly a matter of care sent from the one above?
Or is it my own desire to be loved back?
A matter of gaining something because of those I call my friends?

As I think of my future and a possible wife,
Where does that desire come from?
Is it a search for worth, for security?
Is it a desire for intimacy?
Or does it come from somewhere else,
From a truly unselfish care not possible on my own...
I don't need a significant other to be happy
But sometimes it should does sound nice...

So caught up in our pursuit of "the one"
We overlook the blessings right under our nose
We lose sight of some of our dearest friends
Because they're not the ones we want the attention from...
We lose sight of where we're going
Tied down with infatuation.

As I think of a possible career
What is it that holds the wheel and steers
Is it a desire for wealth, for safety?
Is it to be different, to stray from the norm?
Is it because it sounds good and will make me appear deep...?
Or is it because it is where I am called?
Is it where I am supposed to be to best serve and spread His love?

As I seem to ascend into the roll of leader
Do I desire so much to be a teacher?
Do I simply seek glory?
Could I step into the background and get no recognition, and do so with the same smile and joy?

Motive...one of my deepest concerns
Followed by integrity. Do I stack up to what people actually think of me?
Better question, am I living how I am supposed to be, not according to society but rather God?
Not according to the religion or government and culture of the West,
But rather the Lord who transcends all,
And Jesus who set the prime example of how to live?

No matter what ridiculous thoughts stroll through my head....
I am not the barometer of how to live.
I am not perfect,
I am not righteous,
I am not without fault,
I do not see the world through the perfect lens.

AFter all the failures and my short comings,
When it is all said and done, I must ask myself
Am I living for myself?
Am I living for my own glory and prosperity?
Or am I living for the glory and prosperity of the King?
Am I advancing His love, His truth, to ALL people.
Am I living for and serving the Kingdom...?
Or am I living for me....?

No longer do I want to live the same,
Slow to move, quick to blame.
It all starts in one life,
In one moment,
In one choice.
It starts with doing things differently
Whether being intentional or being clean
It starts in living fully in everything
In a willingness to learn and marinated in humility
In a desire to change my perspective and the way I see...
It starts with the reflection in the mirror....

Legacy

Why do we continue to idly walk by without so much as the connection of an eye or a simple smile or a hi to acknowledge the presence of another child of God. Created in His image we continue to lose vision due to our decisions we make His people invisible ignoring their existence cuz we're so wrapped up in ourselves. We're Kingdom People but we ain't Kingdom livin but rather we're sinnin n livin in division this great schism between us like the Grand Canyon we abandon the truth we are called to stand in to live out of love this calling from above the reason Christ shed His blood, not for personal gain or to hold distain but rather to heal the pain of a broken world to offer salvation to every nation regardless of political views which we hold as "truths". Don't give me your religion or your rules your Western schools of thought which leave us feeling distraught needing to get to the top where to be blessed is to have success to live comfortably for me and my family in a gated community where I only see what I want to see and can ignore all those on the street or overseas or who view things differently from me and therefor must have it wrong. The best thing to happen to this world is America I beg to differ cuz rather it's Jesus who calls us to pick up our cross every day to live in a new way to stray from the world's push towards prosperity but rather dare to be rare to enter into despair to repair a broken system, to listen to the cries and see through the eyes of the oppressed to invest our lives in theirs. Call me unpatriotic but I want to be exotic in the way I love not a nation but His creation the indication of something greater than this country He undeniably transcend the "land of the free" and the way we see things. We are not here to hurl our broken beliefs or to retreat to safety and familiarity but rather to step outside and see what God sees, diversity, a wide range of speech, an entire mess of dress much too complex to neatly seat in this vehicle of Western Civilization. It ain't about bein above average or converting a "savage" to our ways but rather to clear up the haze of our faith and reveal the wonder of God and advance His kingdom. It's not about "Christian" persuasion but rather fascination brought about by a love so extraordinary one can't help but wonder where it came from. I am not perfect just like the rest of us i carry prejudice and have an incomplete picture of the God i serve and don't deserve a single drop of His grace. But when He looks at my face He sees His beloved son as he does with everyone He has placed on this earth. So let's live and love in a radical manner by the standard Christ has set before us. A life not of seclusion or intrusion but genuine love and care for His people...to treat each other as equal, to fill needs and feed the hungry, to see a world changed at the core, where we fight for the marginalized and care for the poor, where things are transformed. I may not see the change before I'm dead, but I pray we flip the world on its head and are truly known as Christians by our love....

In Memory of the UnNamed

So I wrote this on January 1, 2007 after the death of Denver Broncos Cornerback Darrent Willaims. Two and a half years later, after the passing of my best friend, and the recent media storm surrounding the death of Michael Jackson (and various other "celebrities") I stumbled upon it again. It's not necessarily my best work...but it seems just as fitting as it did that day, and is still holds true to my heart today.

In Memory of the UnNamed

Another life taken away
Another soul won't see another day
Another brother feeling pain
Another sister's tears fallin like rain
Another father, mother, and child who feel the same...
But why is this one different?

Why do they get all the news?
Why do their deaths cause the country to sing the blues?
Why do they get a press release?
Why are their deaths so hard believe?
Is it simply cuz they're celebrities?

I'm not tryin to show any disrespect
I'm just tryin to give respect to those we seem to forget...

This is for those who die in war
This is for those who no one hears of because they're poor
This is for those whose deaths we don't see
This is for those who die in the streets

All those "celebrities" and "stars"
Why are their deaths different from everyone else
When they died like everyone else
Why is it that they get the spotlight
When they shared such a similar plight...

It's not that I have no heart
It's just that my heart goes out to those people who go unnoticed
To those the news doesn't show
To those families who get a call from the hospital
But not from the news asking for an interview

What about those who die in the hood...
Are their deaths less news worthy than those who live in suburbia?
What about gang members whose lives are ripped away...
Is that any less of a tragedy?
Or the unborn babies who never see light...
Why don't their deaths come into plain light?

I understand it is hard to choose
So many deaths, which ones make the news?
I just wonder why certain deaths make headlines the way they do...

This is in memory of all who have died...
Singer, politician, athlete, homeless, middle class, all alike...
For the families who have had a member pass away...
Whether by violence, illness, an accident, mother nature, disease, or natural causes, or maybe just old age.
For all of those who have been affected by death...
My prayers for you never cease...

To all of those who have passed away...
REST IN PEACE